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April 2008 Issue
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A life time of commitment
to God's will
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Cathy
Brady had two active toddlers at home when her father
died suddenly in the 1970s, leaving behind her mother
who had been bedridden for years with severe multiple
sclerosis (MS). That's when Cathy's husband Jim stepped
in, saying "Why don't we sell our house and move in
with (your) mom," she recalled. |
It never occurred to them to do anything else.
The young family packed up, sold their East Grand Rapids home
and shoehorned their belongings into Cathy's mother's house.
With help from a nurse's aide, Cathy cared for her mother
while raising her young children. She credits a strong extended
family, close friends, a sense of humor and above all, faith,
with helping her cope. "I never really moved away from my
faith," said Cathy. "My faith is a true gift. It gets you
through life." For Cathy, God has been like a trusted old
friend, a constant presence as she balanced caring for her
mother with school and later marriage and family. She also
sees God in her decision to become a social worker at Pine
Rest Christian Mental Health Services in Grand Rapids. There,
she counsels older adults and family members who care for
them. "I think God had a hand in all this," she said of the
path that took her from being a full-time mom to teaching
to social work. "I think I was just being pulled to
where I am now. I believe God has a plan for us."
A child caregiver
Looking back, Cathy sees her late father Samuel
Yared as her faith role model as he and the family coped with
her mother Janette's lengthy illness. Cathy, the youngest
of three children, was in third grade when her mother started
showing signs of MS. Doctors misdiagnosed her with a "nervous
breakdown." When Cathy was in sixth or seventh grade, her
father brought her mother to Mayo Clinic. When he came home
he told Cathy and older siblings Tom and Marianne that their
mother had MS. "She went right downhill," Cathy recalls, remembering
the way her mother's decline corresponded with her high school
years. When Cathy was in 9th grade, her mother used a cane,
in 10th grade she used a walker, in 11th grade she used a
wheelchair and by 12th grade she was bedridden and unable
to speak. During this time, her father kept things as normal
as possible for the children. He never complained, attended
Sunday Mass, kept his sense of humor and cooked meals for
them. "I remember my Dad sitting on the couch at night reading
his missal - just praying," Cathy recalled. Cathy and her
siblings helped care for their mother and kept the household
running during those years. Their father also hired a nurse's
aide named Helen to care for their mother during the days.
"That was God 100 percent," she says, remembering how the
family survived the time. Cathy attended Aquinas College,
so that she could live at home and be there in the evenings
for her mother. She has no regrets about those years, and
says now they were not normal but not unhappy either. "We
have a lot of humor in our family," said Cathy. "That's what
got us through -- that and our faith, of course." That's not
to say Cathy never questioned God. "(As a child) I prayed
and prayed and prayed she'd get better," she recalled. "Then
I just gave up. I was a little angry. I thought … she's never
going to get better so what's the use of praying?" Still,
she never turned her back on God. "You mature in faith just
as you mature in life," she adds.
Building a family, caring for family
During college, Cathy began dating Jim, who
had been a "buddy" at Catholic Central. They married in 1966,
and moved to South Bend, Ind. where Cathy taught third grade
and Jim attended the University of Notre Dame Law School.
After he completed law school, Jim and Cathy moved to East
Grand Rapids and started their family. They had Monica, 3,
and Michael, then 1, when Cathy's father died unexpectedly
of a heart attack in 1972. Looking back, Cathy calls Jim's
suggestion that they move in with her mother "a beautiful
act of love." Helen continued to help care for Cathy's mother
during the day, but she would go home evenings. The family
could not go on outings - even for a quick ice cream cone
together - because her mother could not be left alone. During
those years their youngest son Paul was born. An optimist
by nature, Cathy kept close to God and would look on the bright
side. She reminded herself that with Helen there she could
pick up her children from school at St. Stephen without waking
the baby, and though the move was tough "it was a nice house
in a nice neighborhood." When Helen became ill, Cathy's mother
moved to a Catholic nursing home in 1976. She died two years
later. "My belief is that they're saints in heaven," Cathy
says of both her parents now. "My mom never complained. She
lived in that body so long and couldn't even move. My dad
never complained."
From teaching to social work
Cathy had double-majored in sociology and
education at Aquinas. After her youngest child started first
grade, Cathy substitute taught in Catholic schools for 11
years. As a teacher, she saw many children come to school
with social and emotional issues, which led her to go back
to college to get a masters in social work. During an internship
at a school, however, Cathy found herself doing more assessing
than counseling. To get experience in social work, she took
a part-time job at Kent Community Hospital, a longterm care
facility. Something clicked and Cathy decided that she would
like to work with older adults. "I look at them and I really
see them as children of God," said Cathy. "They have lived
good lives. They're genuine. I'm always amazed at the strength
they have." She describes one client, a World War II veteran
who faced life or death situations as a gunner during World
War II and now was losing his wife to Alzheimer's. "What a
hard time in your life," she said to him of the war years.
"Not as hard as this," he replied. "That was so profound for
me," said Cathy.
"What a courageous generation." While Cathy
does not bill herself as a "Christian therapist," her faith
comes into play daily. "While I'm with people I silently say
prayers for them," she said. At times when she is not sure
what to say, she'll ask the Holy Spirit to give her the words.
"The next thing I know something comes out of my mouth and
I say `Thank you Holy Spirit that was not bad,'" she added.
If a client is a person of faith, Cathy said she feels comfortable
talking about God. "To the people I'm counseling, faith is
a huge issue for them - especially older adults with end of
life issues," she said. Older people tend to have a lot of
faith, which has seen them through hard times and "gives them
peace." Cathy also works with adult children who are caring
for aging parents. Her experience as a caregiver herself "probably
gave me a lot of compassion, understanding of what it's like
to be tied down." Time management is a huge issue for Baby
Boomers caring for aging parents. "I think the biggest challenge
is trying to keep everybody happy - being there for parents,
being there for their own husband and children and grandchildren.
And it's very difficult - it's just a balance." Adult children
also are grieving the loss of the parents they knew - the
dad who could always fix things or the mom who was a great
cook "and now could hardly heat something in the microwave."
Even as they grieve, however, "most of the children I see
feel it's an honor to take care of their parents." In her
practice, she sees her role as giving caregivers "permission"
to take care of themselves. She also recommends that they
not hesitate to ask for help - from other family members,
friends or neighbors, their church, and, as needed, home health
agencies so that the parent can remain at home as long as
possible.
Walking with God
Cathy and her husband Jim have been married
41 years. Their daughter, Monica, 38, and son Michael, 36,
are attorneys and their son Paul, 33, is in sales. They have
five grandchildren. Cathy works four days a week at Pine Rest,
and starts her day with prayer at an early morning communion
service at St. Stephen Catholic Church, East Grand Rapids,
her home parish since childhood. "I love it," she says of
the simple service from 6:45 to 7 a.m. daily. "Runners say
they feel out of sorts if they don't run. I feel that way
about church. It sets the tone for the day for me." During
the service she takes time to give thanks and offer special
intentions. She prays for those she has promised to remember.
Each morning she asks God, "May I be the person you want me
to be and may your will be done in my life today." For Cathy,
doing God's will has been her goal - whether as a teacher,
a caregiver to her mother, an active mom raising her three
children or as a social worker. "I've always felt that if
you're doing what God wants you to do you will be happy and
you will be successful," she said. "I've always felt I was
doing God's will so now I just walk with him. I just walk
with God."
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