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October 2007 Issue
God's hand leads family through challenges
| Newly
married and embarking on successful careers, Cheryl
and Dan Scheuerman looked forward to starting a family.
She wanted two children;
he wanted five. So they settled on three, and their
dreams appeared well on their way to coming true when
Cheryl became pregnant at age 25. |
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However, as time unfolded, so would their
well-laid plans. Their first two children would be born with
Down Syndrome. Then the Scheuermans would endure the loss
of two babies and a miscarriage. Healing would come with the
adoption of two daughters, followed by grief again at another
pregnancy loss. Their faith would be tested time and again.
"I still have bad days when I feel sorry for myself. Why was
I given this life? This was not the life I pictured having,"
Cheryl said. But looking back, the Scheuermans believe this
was the family they were meant to have, seeing God's hand
working in their lives even through the struggles. Today they
take pride in the accomplishments of their oldest children
Courtney, 19, and Drew, 16, both of whom have Down Syndrome
and have flourished in school, and daughters, Cristina, 9
and, Taylor, 7.
A 'wrench' in their plans
The Scheuermans had little reason to
expect that anything would go wrong as they awaited their
first child. After a 42- hour labor, however, Cheryl looked
at her daughter and sensed something was wrong. A pediatrician
would later confirm that Courtney had Down Syndrome and a
heart defect. Weeks later, genetic testing would reveal that
Cheryl had a balanced translocation, a genetic condition in
which part of one of her chromosomes was attached to another.
She was told her chances of giving birth to a child with Down
Syndrome were 12-15 percent. The news was a blow.
"That was the first time anything major went
wrong in my life," recalls Cheryl, who grew up in Adrian,
attended Hope College, and married Dan, an independent tax
assessor, 21 years ago. "You grow up thinking you know what
you want to do - go to school, get a job, get married," said
Cheryl, a stay-at-home mom. "Then all of a sudden your first
child is born with a disability and it (throws) a wrench into
everything. You don't know what your future holds." Courtney's
heart defect healed on its own. Three years later Cheryl gave
birth to Drew. He too had Down Syndrome and a minor heart
defect. Their births brought joy, mixed with sorrow as Cheryl
and Dan coped with having children with disabilities.
"It's definitely been a roller coaster. When
we had Courtney and Drew I struggled with the `why me' issue.
I was angry," Cheryl recalls. "Yet they were so cute and they
brought so much joy to everyone. Every time I looked at them
I couldn't feel angry."
In the mid-1990s, Dan and Cheryl decided to
try again. In 1995, Cheryl became pregnant but miscarried
at 11 weeks. A year later, the couple had a baby stillborn
at 28 weeks. In 1997 Cheryl gave birth again, this time to
a boy with Down Syndrome and a severe heart defect. He lived
for just three days.
The family drew strength from their faith,
their friends and family and members of their parish community
at Our Lady of the Lake in Holland who brought meals and helped
with Drew and Courtney. "It was amazing how many people came
to our aid," Cheryl recalls.
'God meant for us to be together'
Six months later, the Scheuermans decided
to pursue adoption through Catholic Social Services. By then,
Courtney and Drew attended school full-time. On a Friday in
September 1999, Cheryl told herself, "I really want to have
a baby now."
This time, that dream would come true. CSS
called the following Monday to tell the couple about a baby
girl. "We were just in love with her from the first time we
saw her," recalls Cheryl. "It was the happiest day of my life
other than the day I got married. The other births were happy
days but mixed with the sorrow. It was healing, because I
felt now `I know why I went through everything I went through.'"
God meant for us to be together," she continued.
"I couldn't have dreamed of it working out
any better than it did." Two years later, in 2000, the Scheuermans
adopted Taylor, their youngest daughter. In 2002, Cheryl Scheuerman
became pregnant again just before turning 40. She would lose
that baby, who did not have Down Syndrome, at 20 weeks. Again,
Cheryl's faith would be tested. "I had just gotten used to
the reality of having another baby and was thrilled to be
carrying a normal biological child. The loss was devastating.
After all these years, I thought this was our miracle child
and she was taken away from us." Cheryl said. However, over
time, she said she came to a sense of acceptance and no longer
views God as directly causing bad things to happen. "God is
just there to help you get through it,"
Cheryl says. And through it all Dan would
stand by her. "(Faith) is a stabilizer. It's there always,
no matter what," he said.
Rather than look back and focus on the losses,
Dan said he feels "grateful for the family we have." The couple
also said a lot of good has come out of their experiences.
"I think of the people we have met, the opportunities we have
had," Cheryl said, adding if it weren't for her fertility
struggles she might never have adopted her two youngest daughters.
And raising Courtney and Drew has opened their eyes to the
gifts of people with disabilities and given the Scheuermans
a chance to set an example for others by fighting for full
inclusion of their children, she said.
A family 'blessed in many ways'
Courtney recently graduated from Zeeland East High School,
the only student with Down Syndrome to earn a varsity letter
(in bowling) at her school. She works at Taco Bell and wants
to attend a program for young people with disabilities at
Hope, her mother's alma mater. Some day she thinks she would
like to work in a newspaper office. Drew is going into 10th
grade. His mom described him as having "a great sense of humor
and very spiritual," adding that if it were not for his disability
she could easily see him becoming a priest.
He also loves music and is close to Courtney
and protective of his younger sisters. Cristina and Taylor
enjoy sports and playing with their friends and are close
to their big sister and brother. On a recent day, Courtney
showed off a graduation scrapbook album filled with snapshots
of friends and family. Drew took time out from listening to
his I-Pod to talk about his sisters.
Cristina and Taylor took turns playfully donning
a platinum blond wig from the hit Disney TV show "Hannah Montana,"
a family favorite. The family bears little resemblance to
the one Cheryl Scheuerman envisioned 20 years ago, but both
Cheryl and Dan said they see now this is the family they were
meant to have. "It is a struggle at times," says Cheryl, not
one to sugarcoat the realities of raising children with disabilities,
the grief they have endured, or the ups and downs of everyday
family life. But at the same time I think we're blessed in
many ways."
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